Now

Is when I start to think,
if I'll ever stop falling down this rabbit hole,
and when exactly will reality hit me?

Then,
Is when I felt the worst and just wanted to leave.
Scars are here to stay,
and the regrets are endless.

Now,
Is when I start to trip over everything I say
because I cant believe this is really happening,
Should I stop?

Then,
Is when my heart was happy,
filled with life and hate
all because of you.

Now,
Is when I wish i never met you,
let alone tasted you,
or fallen in love with you.

Then,
Is when you had control over me,
pushed and pulled me,
and I let everything.

Now,
Is when I get over things,
I say FUCK YOU,
I don't give a fuck,
I want to be free,
I don't want you,
I don't need you,
I look in the mirror and see "fuck up"
I start worrying about the now instead of the then.