Let me open your mind and eyes. Let me open your heart to lies.

Liars

Aren't we all? I usually don't put people in the spotlight, or "on blast" if you please, unless it's because they piss me off or do something bad. Well, I've learned that this is a very sour trait I have on my ever growing list of things I do that piss people off. But want to know a secret? Whenever people ask me "What's Wrong"; I ALWAYS LIE. Even if I do tell you, trust me, it's never everything. I have a hard time trusting people when I have no walls built around me.

Lets get to business;

"I honestly have no fucking clue, what i would do without her."
"Honestly Shianne, i have no fucking clue what I'd do without you in my life"
"You were the best thing that happened to me that year."
"i never want to lose you"
"because your're you! Your're Shianne Nichole Rivera, Dream girl"
"...Your are extremely sweet and insanely beautiful and you should be proud to be Shianne Rivera because I know there are hoards of people out there who love you just as much as I do. i'm forever grateful for meeting such a gorgeous person in both physical beauty and inner beauty. Thank you for everything"

You are all sneaky little liars. At that moment you've filled me with such joy, and ask me how I am now? Oh I'll lie and say I'm fine, but know I wish every day that you'd live up to what you said or actually mean it because honestly, all of the above makes me laugh, I sure don't feel like nothing special.
:/

TruE Story:

"I have this feeling.
This feeling I have,
It won't go away,
It won't.
G O A W A Y .
It won't go,
A W A Y ."

There's Nothing Y O U or Eye

Could do for me.

In search of a less flammable pair of pants,
I'm trying to hold on to you,
But the feelings won't last,
Life's short I want to have fun,
With all the hits that make my words feel just like a gun,
For this reason I'm quick on my feet,
A heartless BITCH
That'll sell your soul to maintain being Elite,
Don't worry this heart comes with a beat;
So be ready for this punch line of self defeat;
I know your sick of these run around lies,
But baby the truth is; I'm best liar in disguise.

-Sick! 6672477

I would love

To STAY like THIS forEvEr.

I could be your best bet; Let alone your worst Ex.

I honestly don't think you'll remember writing these, or even what they were for/about; but I found them today, and I remember it like it was yesterday. I read them, and of course, cried. It reminds me how much you care(d), and how much I still do. It's pathetic, trust me I know; I tell myself every time I say this, but every day I wish that things would just go back to being as wonderful as they were the first time around. But then I remember, it's just me wishing.

"I know the past month we haven't seen eachother.
or really talked.
but that month still counts.
cuz i know that my love for you was there.
and i hope yours was there too.
but whatever it still counts.
well i just wanted to say Happy Anniversary.
and that I LOVE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH and i hope i never lose you.
cuz you wont lose me until i die.
if you want me for how ever long that is.
I LOVE YOU!"

"well i say that cuz you never do shit! you say you want to get back with me and you want to still be friends. well i don't see you trying. so i know you haven't changed.
cuz if you want me soooo bad you would have the balls to come up to me and talk to me and don't say it's cuz i'm always with someone. so, your always with someone and i still talked to you. but i saw that you weren't really trying so i wasn't anymore.
and don't assume shit all the time! FUCK!!!
And yea i did give you a second chance.
i gave you a third and forth one too, but you fucked up. so what am i suppose to think?? I'm fixing your mistakes cuz you aren't, I at least want to fix us. But since your not trying i guess i wont either. Tell me, if i did what you did to me would you want to get back with me? All the shit you told me, all the pain you brought me. Would you want to get with me? I'm not saying i'll never get back with you. I'm saying i want to be friends first..and see if you've changed like you say you have, cuz i'm not really sure if you have. I think you can do better cuz of how you treated me, so it seems you can. And how do i know your not just lying to me like before. And i'm sorry i haven't been caring about what people have been telling me about you. It's cuz there's enough drama in my life, that i don't really wanna have any with you. So i'm sorry. And the thing that i don't understand is if your SO FUCKING SORRY, then why am i the one always saying sorry?"

So I guess so many years later would lessen the meaning of the words I say? I beg to differ; I honestly am so sorry. I have a lot to tell you, just give me the time. I understand the roles have switched this year, and I fully respect that; But if it's the final chapter, I at least want to go out with a bang. Try to hear me out when I speak important words this time, please.

It's nothing new

I hate not knowing what I'm doing. So that's why I'm doing nothing. I feel safer knowing that the idea is there, but once it gets brought up; that's when I get scared. I don't know how to handle it, I don't know how to chose, I can't figure this out;

Pluse - E + where - W - last E + mine + us + you = ?

This awkward silence creates havoc, reach into my heart and pull out this ice pick. Blah blah blah, the poetic bull shit gets old once you've lost your heart and soul. Once I find it...You'll be the first to know.

Bee cous

It let's me know. Every thing is so much better when you feel like this. It's in my veins, it's on my brain; it's my new main, it keeps me. . . I'll just stop right there.

This Queen Eats Hearts In HalfwayLand.

I would've thought you'd step up.
You know, to be the "bigger" man.
Or at least you were that in my head, because you'd always have fucking the nerve to hold my hand. You can say I was just a tad bit aggressive, But somewhat a tease? Oh Really? You should stop being possessive. Forget this? Regret this? Never, I'm too reckless. Keep me going on, going strong; add me to that check list. Can't keep what I said because that soft spot in your heart that I seemed to have stole; Will never lose it's power, trust me; it's fucking gold.

This queen eats hearts in HalfwayLand; and because of that, you won't think of holding my hand. I stay fearless and fear full all at the same time; I'm never really cocky, so I hope you don't mind. But I'll say this over and over again; Please baby, don't call me "mine." The queen who eats hearts rips them and swallows them whole, all because she once had had hers fucking stole. It wasn't that bad because now I can eat you whole. A bitch from the turn, Half suicide reject never live and L E A R N. Keeps this heart beating; away from the name she wears best. Piss her off she gets pissed, let her rip and she'll rip this. Tear shit up, her soul has turned to rust. Just when you think you got her in slow and steady, you realize she's too good, she already has too many. Who the fuck are you kidding? Just call her The Queen of Hearts already.

It haunts me.
Because I pulled too much string out
And now I can't tie them.
I ran back and forth, but it's no use, their not dying. I'll be scared to cut everything off, only because I'd have to start new, and that's completely my loss. I don't know how to take it, without being pissed off. I know, You know, We know this will work; but time has caught up to me and guess what?, it hurts. It's a constant reminder that for the second time around; This shit is still the same, just different assholes gathered 'round. You can call me a veteran, because I've played these games for so long. You laugh only because you know I can go strong; Fuck this and you because I talk shit, rude? Bitch I invented the games Y O U use when you fake it; now ain't that crude. I get side tracked quick, I guess thats a plus; Like how when you say Our Future Plans Are A Must. That makes me smile when I think about it but I can't seem to hurry; my vision in this loose string can get kind of blurry.

Please just know this is not a stop sign, the very thought of it blows my mind. I just have some curiosities, philosophies, and thoughts of polygamy.

-Fin.

It slike

Want to know what it's like?

It's like when you see her you change to be a better person. It's like when you forget a new persons name. It's like when you try not to get mad. It's like when you don't tell people your sad. It's like when you find words to describe how you feel, when they hold you. It's like when you laugh because your nervous.It's like when you cry over silly things. It's like when you can't speak because your weak at the knees.It's like when you drink until you can't walk. It's like when you get so stoned, you can't talk. It's like when you roll to hard on XTC and grind your teeth down. It's like when you dream about getting the fuck out of this town. It's like when you feel like you just can't take it. It's like when you try your whole life, knowing you might not make it. It's like when you know; It Can't rain All The Time.

It's like when you try to find simple amazing feelings, that everyone has felt; to use in a blog to compare it to how you feel now that you know where your life is going.

I'm totally ready for whatever comes my way, you just might want to keep your eyes on me to satisfy your guilty pleasure; thank you.