I could be your best bet; Let alone your worst Ex.

I honestly don't think you'll remember writing these, or even what they were for/about; but I found them today, and I remember it like it was yesterday. I read them, and of course, cried. It reminds me how much you care(d), and how much I still do. It's pathetic, trust me I know; I tell myself every time I say this, but every day I wish that things would just go back to being as wonderful as they were the first time around. But then I remember, it's just me wishing.

"I know the past month we haven't seen eachother.
or really talked.
but that month still counts.
cuz i know that my love for you was there.
and i hope yours was there too.
but whatever it still counts.
well i just wanted to say Happy Anniversary.
and that I LOVE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH and i hope i never lose you.
cuz you wont lose me until i die.
if you want me for how ever long that is.
I LOVE YOU!"

"well i say that cuz you never do shit! you say you want to get back with me and you want to still be friends. well i don't see you trying. so i know you haven't changed.
cuz if you want me soooo bad you would have the balls to come up to me and talk to me and don't say it's cuz i'm always with someone. so, your always with someone and i still talked to you. but i saw that you weren't really trying so i wasn't anymore.
and don't assume shit all the time! FUCK!!!
And yea i did give you a second chance.
i gave you a third and forth one too, but you fucked up. so what am i suppose to think?? I'm fixing your mistakes cuz you aren't, I at least want to fix us. But since your not trying i guess i wont either. Tell me, if i did what you did to me would you want to get back with me? All the shit you told me, all the pain you brought me. Would you want to get with me? I'm not saying i'll never get back with you. I'm saying i want to be friends first..and see if you've changed like you say you have, cuz i'm not really sure if you have. I think you can do better cuz of how you treated me, so it seems you can. And how do i know your not just lying to me like before. And i'm sorry i haven't been caring about what people have been telling me about you. It's cuz there's enough drama in my life, that i don't really wanna have any with you. So i'm sorry. And the thing that i don't understand is if your SO FUCKING SORRY, then why am i the one always saying sorry?"

So I guess so many years later would lessen the meaning of the words I say? I beg to differ; I honestly am so sorry. I have a lot to tell you, just give me the time. I understand the roles have switched this year, and I fully respect that; But if it's the final chapter, I at least want to go out with a bang. Try to hear me out when I speak important words this time, please.