CAGE

Is an amazing artist. His lyrics are like...AHHHH. I like them because they make you think, its actually poetry, everyone will take it in different. It's unique, which is really hard to find these days. I have a lot on my mind right now, and I want to vent. Let us have a discussion, yeah?

POINT ONE:

So, yes, I've been single since about DECEMBER. But i wouldn't really consider that a good relationship or even one because my head was a mess. So, now the time comes where i explain the meaning of that sentence, right? WELL...

Point 1 1/2:
I've done a lot of thinking, A LOT. Not just recently, but for a while in my past experiences with shitty ass excuses for relationships. And i actually know what i want. I Want A Solid, Steady Relationship. Bottom line, no bullshit and fucking bitchassness. As weird as it sounds, I'm over playing the field, i don't want to do that shit anymore, i want something real.

POINT TWO:

Guys.....literally GUYS, the dicks with dicks. What the fuck is up with males? Half of them are fucking stupid ass assholes, and no I'm not just talking shit. Take a look around; you guys either knock some poor chick up and leave her ass, or you stay and don't do shit but weigh her down. You FUCK women, and fuck them whenever you please, and then never ask how their day was, or if they want to do something other than fuck you. Sure i mean, don't get me wrong "fucking" is great, but some people think it's okay because the hole that is in their soul needs to be filled with some sort of want and need., You NEED women to get that satisfaction, so therefore you want them, logical right? Too bad people just "fuck" and never make love anymore. So why does this effect me? See Point 2 1/2 below.

Point 2 1/2:
In case you didn't know, my father is dead. My father wasn't the best father, but you want to know something? I fucking loved him with all my heart, and sure maybe he'd burn me and not show up to pick me up all the time, and not do the most fatherly things to make his money, but that's what made him my dada. Right before he went to jail, he wrote me a letter, I never read it because I was mad at him. I was mad at him because he didn't come pick me up one day like he was supposed to. My dada didn't pick me up because he got arrested and was now in jail. After jail, my dada said hello to the hospital, then shortly said goodbye and then said hello to death. So now with that said, imagine how the fuck i feel, because the last letter my dada ever wrote to me I NEVER READ. The last time i saw my dada, wait lets rephrase that; the last time i EVER saw my dada alive, I was mad at him. Do you get it now? Even though most people don't get it, I loved him even though his actions seemed a bit fucked up. My dada honestly was, and still is my whole life. <-That right there,; is all the answers to the following questions.

-Why do you let him/her treat you like shit?
-Why do you settle for that?
-Why are you such a bitch?
-Why don't you trust me?
-Why do you have to be a mean girl?
-Why can't you be dependable?
-Why do you freak out so much?
-Why do you do this to yourself?
-Why are you such a pessimist?

POINT THREE:

I feel abandoned. I can't help it, i think i will always feel this way no matter what. I'm a walking sack of regret, and what if's. I'm fucked up, my head if fucked up, and my heart is a mess. When i love someone, i shoot them down. I'm the meanest girl to the most important people in my life, and i hate it. It's not my fault, it's the way I am. I pick fights when I'm in a relationship because i constantly need the reassurance that they need me, and really like me. It's my way of feeling safe. With my most important friends, i shoot them down and make them feel like shit. I do it because if they stay through everything, then they can easily survive another attack and keep reassuring me that they will put up with it and stick with me. I'm going insane because of this. I manipulate people because it gives me control, i need that control because i had no control of my time with my dad. I need to be reassured I'm cared about because i feel like people can walk out on me at any time.
Don't get me wrong, i know people CAN walk out on me at any time, but in my head i think the people who are really here for me and really do care for me WILL walk out on my at any moment. It's the way my head works. And i can't help it, i think I'm sick.

POINT FOUR:

With all this bullshit now said, you pretty much know..mmmm lets say 15% of what goes on in my mind, daily. What goes on in my head, and who i am, are two completely different things. Sounds impossible, but its possible...I'm living proof. If i sat down and opened my mind and spilled my heart and soul raw onto someone elses lap, i honestly believe they will leave me in horror. I want to find someone who won't leave me, someone who actually wants to understand me and not over-stimulate me. That brings me back to POINT TWO; nobody knows anybody anymore. All together now;

NOBODY KNOWS ANYBODY ANYMORE.

Good, so what does that mean? It means people enjoy sex more than they enjoy the person whom they are having sex with. Why am i mention sex so much? Because that's all what relationships are about now! Don't even dare deny this. Maybe it's just the people in this town, but let me tell you; I am pretty much sure there is no such thing as a male hopeless romantic. Because people have changed so much that guys think it's fucking "queer" to do any sort of good deed for a lady.

Point 4 1/2:

I, myself, am a hopeless romantic. I believe in true love, and i believe that being "old fashion" is still the way to someones heart. Men in Mexico sing to their lovers to prove they really love them, and back in the day mafia men had tests to secretly put women through to see if they were keepers (like on A Bronks Tale; If she unlocked the door). What the hell happened? Now all I'm getting is people who don't even care what you like, or where you want to go, or don't even care if your seeing someone else, as long as they get laid i guess everyone should be fine. Stupid Fuckers.

POINT 5:

I am a mess because of past relationships. My best relationship was also my worst relationship, and i finally let things go. I am finally at peace with all the boys and girls who have fucked my over in the past, I've coped with it and now I'm ready to start over.
Have you ever seen Girl Interrupted? Okay, so the girl played by Winona Rider is put in the loony bin for using sex as a way to feel wanted. I don't know the whole medical/physiology nonsense behind it but now doesn't that sound like someone you recently read about? Minus the bin, Hmm?

Point 5 1/2

I need someone with patience, because as you now know, I am a complicated girl who needs some fixing up. I really hate tooting my own horn, but when I'm at my best; I'm really fucking amazing. I have people telling me that I'm such a wonderful person, and I'm a big deal.
Really?......Really? I am?
I AM. And i just wish someone understanding and loving and want something real, and steady would come along. I believe its what I need in my life to be happy again. I'm not a super needy girl, i just feel like i have to do this to open peoples eyes about how they treat others and use them.

THE CLOSING POINT:

My heart is open, waiting for something amazing to come and sweep me off my feet.

Thank You For Your Time.
The end.
Fin.