Life Rant

You know it's kind of weird to realize your sister, who in your head is about 3, but in reality you see shes really going into middle school. Holy Fuck, now here comes my thinking wave; I have to be a role model now. FML; Is it really that time? I mean shes old enough to understand that every time I got outside, I smoke weed. Shes old enough to understand that I'm stoned because my eyes are low, For fucks sake she watches Youtube now! What the fuck happened to playing games on the Disney website? Or printing out coloring sheets from Nick Jr.???
Really? This makes me feel old. Like grown up almost, I feel like I have to mature now because shes catching up to my immaturity. Like last night I'm playing her in Mario Kart..and shes actually good! What happened to the good ol' days where I used to play with her for an easy win, a boost of confidence? Now shes good?!
What I'm trying to get at right now is; Do I think more about what I'm doing, when I'm doing it? Like I have to actually watch what I'm doing now because who's to say shes now going to want to, right? But I'm just stuck on is it really that point now? Like what the fuck Shianne, last year of high school, 18 in 5 months; Like is that supposed to mean more to me? Am I supposed to do more? You know what FUCK IT, I'm going to think it over...over some smoke.
People all have a gleam in their eye; It's their youth and childhood. Whats funny to me though, is when people "Grow Up" they loose the most important part of themselves, the part who taught them everything they know, the part of them who taught you how to think, how to figure shit out, how to deal with things. You worked so hard to get yourself to that point, and then when you "Grow Up" you throw it away. I'm not dimming my gleam, it's going to stay there forever. Yeah, your probably thinking "Oh god Shianne just grow up, that's going to get you no where." What to know something? FUCK YOU, it's going to get me EVERYWHERE, and I fucking mean everywhere. Just because I'm keeping my gleam doesn't mean shit, I've had enough things happen to me where I was forced to grow up a loong time ago; so it's not even that. I'm so complex it should be illegal. But I know exactly what I'm going to be doing for the next 5 years to get me where I want to be, with my partner I have HUGE plans with [Infinity]. So fuck you and all your opinions towards me because I'm sure..no scratch that; I'm POSITIVE in the end I'll have more accomplishments than you. So the next time my name is in your mouth; Do me a favor and choke on it.

Fuck reality I never want to grow up.

I guess at the start of this I was a little confused about how to take it all, but now I realized I had the answer the whole time. I'm exactly where I need to be in life, and it could never feel better.