Test Subject 1

You know, if i were to sit here and tell you I'm better; I'd be a liar. I understand you care about me, but this is something that is honestly not in my control. I don't know if you think that I'm slipping under again or what but if you were to ask me I'd probably break down again because I wouldn't know what to tell you. I want to be something so much better for you, I really do. I can see the worry in your eyes and I know it's hard for you. It's hard for me because in the sense of I know in order for me to be this messed up, you have to be somewhat too.
People Don't get me. I was recently told "I know who you are, i know what your about, I've heard about you", what the hell does that mean? Like I know I've heard that line before in movies and what not but never to my face. I'm not stuck in my "own little world" but I don't my daily feed off of what other people say. I am me, but I won;t present myself as Me to you. It's more of a mild version, and then if your lucky as we grow I'll introduce you to who I am. Only a few have gotten to meet her.
My head is pounding, I seriously want to cry. Like a part of me loves whats going on because I'm FINALLY losing weight but I notice what a toll it's taking on me; I'm tired more, depressed, bitchy, and in pain. I can't eat! And I love to eat! but my body is rejecting the substance I need because of the substance I love. Even though it's been like a week, I became very sickly after everything. Go ahead, ask me if I'm going to stop; I'll smile and say no, it's not hurting me.
It's really not, I mean if anything it's helping me, as fucked up as that sounds. It helps me channel out my demons in my head and without them my arms hurt less.
The weight of the world is on my shoulders and I'm getting stonger as the days go by; Please keep that in mind. I'll be fine.